The Most Appropriate Space Travelling Animals

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

I was reading the paper this morning on my way to work, and came across an article I had been eager to read. It was on a subject that everyone has been talking about. No, it isn’t the John Terry saga, or the Michael Jackson Doctor. It was in fact on the Iranian Space Program.

Apparently, President Ahmadinejad (aka Mr. Mischief) launched the first rocket for the new Iranian Space Agency. What was so brilliant about this was what was contained within the rocket.

 So, to “defeat the West’s domination in the scientific arena” it was decided that some worms, a mouse (yes, just 1) and 2 turtles would be fired into space. I have to admit, if I was just about to start my own space agency (which, incidentally I am planning. It is still in it’s infancy) the most appropriate way in which I could test my first rocket would be to use some non-arthropod invertebrates, a singular rodent and possibly 2 or 3 reptiles categorised by a bony shell.

I wonder what the discussion was like when Mr. Mischief mentioned “how can we defeat the West’s domination in the scientific arena?”. I can picture it now, his second in command, Mr. Mean, standing up and shouting “ANIMALS!!!”. It is a well known fact that the western world is petrified of animals. In fact, 67% of all deaths in the western world in 2008 were due to the victim just seeing an animal.

So, they had worked out a way in which the Western domination of science could be over turned. The next big question would be exactly what sort of animals to use. What sort of animals is the western world most afraid of? Tigers? Lions? Cows can be pretty scary; they always have that look in their eyes. But no. None of these. The 3 animals that would strike fear in the eyes of the Western world are some small long things that don’t really do anything other than dig holes and provide a staple diet for many young children, a creature that many people have as a pet and a aquatic mammal that is slower than Alex Reid’s conscious mind that hides in its shell when ever it feels a little bit anxious.

I for one am terrified of this, and as an inhabitant of the western world, I would be more than happy to  hand over the scientific domination. Just please don’t show me any turtles.