In The Beginning

I have been meaning to start my own blog for a while.  When someone recently said to me, and I quote, “You should write books!” I had an idea. It is a selfish thing keeping all my life changing, inspiring thoughts to myself. I need to publicise these sentiments to improve the world… This is how Things and Stuff and Everything – Exaggerating Life Since Forever began.

I thought I would begin this blog re-living the events of this morning. I was on the tube, travelling to work. I could feel a sense of uneasy-ness in the air. People were uncomfortable. Then, it suddenly occurred to me, everyone was looking at me.

I checked myself over and couldn’t see anything wrong. I was looking good, trousers still had that “just bought” look. Shoe laces were nicely tied up. I was even wearing my smart jacket. Blind panic – similar to when I needed the wee all the time – came over me. What if there is something on my face? What if a bird had done a poo on me? I started realising it was obvious I was uncomfortable, and tried to do a variety of facial expressions to convey a mild level of normality. This just made things worse. I didn’t just get the “oh-my-god-should-I-tell-him-what-he-looks-like” look, but also a “jesus-I-need-to-get-away-from-this-mentalist” look.

I eventually got to Victoria to begin the walk to work. I was just glad to have got out of the train, and that extra bit closer to work where I could thoroughly check what was wrong with me. The walk was awful. I got some of the worst looks ever. It was as if I had just punched a child. There was a true sense of repulsion.

I got to work, drenched in sweat. I hadn’t panicked this much since when I was 6 and broke my mums toothbrush. I was still getting strange looks, but this time it was the “I-can-see-there-is-something-really-wrong-but-still-don’t-know-if-I-know-you-enough-to-tell-you” kind of look. I went to the toilet as quickly as possible to see if I could see anything glaringly obvious in the mirror. Then I saw it. I couldn’t believe it. I had just travelled an hour-and-a-half looking like this. I am never going to be able to travel the same route again. What if I see the same people?! Do I say anything?! I could have cried, and I am not ashamed to admit, there was a small tear.

It is hard to even type the ending of this story. I feel very embarrassed, and am questioning whether or not I want the rest of the world to know about this. Well…on Tuesday, 19 January 2010, I went to work…without my belt. It is a reckless thing to do. No one, not even an experienced suit wearer, should wear smart trousers without a belt. It is totally wrong.