The Travelling Sauna

If only there was a Mr. Hot...

I experienced something truly amazing today. The Travelling Sauna.

You must be thinking to yourself “wow this blog writing genius has such an interesting life. Not only does he spend his spare time complaining to his favourite confectionary companies in order to get a collection of freebies and review such ground breaking consumer merchandise as the nose warmer but also gets to experiences such niche and interesting crazes like the Travelling Sauna.”

Before you all no-doubt jump to this conclusion, I was in fact on the pigging train.

Imagine this if you can. You are dressed in winter clothes consisting of a large coat and warm comfortable jumper. You have just been practically sprinting through the underground to claim one of the disabled seats with the extra leg room. Now imagine stepping into an industrial sauna which has been turned up to maximum temperature. This is what it was like on the train today.

I could feel my eyes sweating. The water in my bag was boiling. The windows on the train were glowing red through shear heat and plastic on the back of the seats was dripping on the carpet as it melted. I was half expecting to see a man with only a towel sat in the corner pouring water over a wooden bucket of burning coals.

I sat down on the scalding seat, making the most of the disabled legroom. I got my paper out to read but was shocked to see it charred and un-legible.  I was so hot I even had to roll up my sleeves. The next 15 minutes were a haze. I was sweating so much, my vision was blurred. I had to double check my glasses hadn’t slipped off from the sweat, resulting in the impaired visualisation, but they were in fact melted to my head.

I eventually got to the end of my journey. I was ecstatic. I couldn’t contain my excitement of being able to escape from the centre of the sun, so I gave myself a high five. From my limited vision, I could see some strange looks, as after all, I had essentially done a single clap. If only they knew just how hot I really was.

I just couldn't believe I had finally escaped from the Travelling Sauna.

The doors of the train opened, and it felt much like the escape scene from the Shawshank Redemption. I was free. Not only was I free, but I was alive.

I then realised I would have to go through all of this again the next day. I began to cry.